Tag: sad

Remember me

You broke my heart –
Your bruised, confused eyes, staring and searching,
Senselessly clinging onto the shell of who you were,
A lifetime ago, you now wake up every day
To another memory, you remind me of what you are,
You are lost

You’re a silent child, wandering the aisles of the store, eyes searching faintly for your mother,
You might be able to describe her hair, or her jacket, her name, though to you it would just be “Mum”,
Which you call out faintly in your heart,
Wondering where you are, or why you came, or how you got here, or who I am,

I can see a mind fading to black,
A final curtain closing quietly, yet without mercy,
It reminds me of a memory,

My grandpa, my opa, that stoic old man who used to think we were so loud,
When he tried to enjoy his silence, when it was still a choice,
Though he loved music, and the music of his hundreds of clocks, his endless time,
Till he was almost blind and deaf,
Each new memory fading sooner than the next,

When I shared a pizza with him in the garden
A simple salami pizza, but to him it was magical
I saw him transform back into
A quiet little boy, savouring every bite, so content for a moment,
Present and oh so precious,
When he was finished I would take away the boxes,

And soon after, a few months,
A few more cups of tea, a coffee,
And three pizzas,
He passed away peacefully in his bed.

Now I look at you,
Every time you come into my life,
With searching eyes, so confused and almost blind,

I can’t help but feel my deepest sympathy.
I want to cry at the sight of you, my poor child.
I’m sorry I can’t help you.
I’m sorry you won’t understand
Whatever I will say.
I wish I could help you find your peace, or
To take your hand and help you find your mum, wherever she may be,

But it’s not my time,
I’m so, so sorry.

For a Friend – Wait For the Sun

You tried, love.
Your teary eyes were buried in my shirt,
My arms could only contain your
Shell of a body, as it emitted wracking sobs, echoes
Of years of trying to love another, whilst loving
Itself with all of its anxious compassion, you
Tried, so hard, my dear. The days
Will likely seem a little darker, for a while, and your tears
May weigh you down, till

One day you will wake up again,
And listen to the birds sing
In your father’s garden, you’ll watch
The hopeful rays of sunlight try to break through
Your curtains, and you’ll smell a fresh cup of coffee,
That your mother brings to your room,
Not because she has to, or you can’t get it yourself, but
Because she knows that this simple pleasure could be enough
To get you out of bed for a whole week,
As it is love itself, in its purest form.

It’s what you deserve, my dear, but know
It’ll take time, and to take small steps, day by day.
Know, that your loved ones, will be there
Every step of the way.

Time slips by

Time slips by in an instant, but I still
Remember the way to your parents’ place, the feeling of
Seeing you pull away, a couple of tears marking your face,
Trailing past pathways, memories, the scars you would rather
Scratch away, but I thought you were beautiful either way.

How could you be so effortlessly attractive to me,
Brushing your teeth, with that little shake
In your hair, whilst your tired eyes looked into mine?

Did you know?
Did you see?

The gears turning in my head, as I tried not to jeopardise what
We had, but I couldn’t lie, not with words, or with
Goodbyes, no,
I tried, but time
Slips by in an instant, and I
Still find reminders of you –
A word, a hair, an inside joke that we wouldn’t dare
Share with the world.

I hope you know or knew that I
Do care, and I did care, though I don’t know
If I will care when time slips away,
And the hair that frames my face is a shade of
Melancholic grey… but for now
Let us mourn the love that we could have had
For every future yesterday.

im barely here, you’re not here at all

I’m so far gone
But it makes me think of you
Dreams we had
Dreams we never
had
Dreams we should have had
Now
We’re nothing more
Than strangers passing by
On the street, listening
To songs we told each other about
Thinking
About what we could have been
But
Now we are nothing more
Than dust in the wind

Impressions in the sands
Of time
The hourglass
Turns upon itself and
We are where we begun

Being nothing at all

Poem: red light green light

The bustling street corners,
Rumours floating through alleys
The woman in the window
A man on the corner
Protection, rejection, a murder
Of crows and other birds
Fly overhead, past street lights
Green lights, I stay
Between the red flags
So I’m safe from the riptide,
The quiet pressure of pounding waves
Pulled along by her presence
Up there in heaven, the moon
And our many memories,
Times together when
We thought we would be
Forever and a minute
Passed before we were reminiscing
About what could have been,
Though tonight I’ve been
Okay on my own
Thinking about
What should have been
And this is it
The only outcome
For a life split in two
So many times
That I’m okay with being just with me
And not being with you

Poem: do they know

Do they know
That I’m alone?

The bats flying around my balcony
In silent flight, guided
By the sonic echoes –
The smallest sounds.

Can they hear
My teardrops hit the ground
When I can’t stop them
From leaving?

They always do.

Living legacy of a dead dad

A loveless life, and misery.
Did you expect that
To be your legacy?

I thought I had one happy memory
Of you and me:

I was walking on your feet
As you held my hands in yours,
Although now I am not sure
If it’s true

Because the main way I remember you
Is pale and blue in a wooden box –
Dead, in our living room.

I did not get the chance to know you, in a non-dead state.
I did not get the chance to really know you,
And all your uncaring ways.
I did not get the chance to see for myself,
What a disastrous disappointment you would be, dad,
As a father, as a man, as a husband –
You were everything I never want to be.

So, thank you, dad,
For leaving me.
Thank you, dad,
For your legacy.
Thank you, dad,
For loving me in your way…
Hey,
You know what that looked like?

You would come home from work, and breeze past me,
When I was so happy to see you,
As you never even said goodbye in the morning, no,
You did not want me
Or my affection, my love –
So unfamiliar to a soul that had given up,
No, you only gave your attention
To your newspaper and your regrets –

You know what?

You made no difference, alive or dead.

I don’t even think

About the life we could have had.

My lovely paradox

The sun shines through my windows,
But the night lives on in my mind.
Thoughts of a melancholic moon, you,
Imaginary jealousy, a wish
To just leave things be.
Oh, it’s simultaneously light and dark,
Life and death,
But either way,
Nothing
In the end.

Poem: silent love

Melancholy and fireworks
Shoot into the sky
Heralds of a new age
That’s neverchanging and relentless
In misery, a lack of company
Present in the dark night sky
In my mind, and in my mind’s eye
I see the end of it all
Misplaced among the vines
Thorns and gravestones
Can you see the God
In the middle of the path
Butchered and broken
It is love, so misshapen
That it becomes as silence,
Destroyed when spoken aloud
As the raindrops drop on my face
A mix of tears, confirmations
The body and blood, proof
That we have killed him
All comes crashing down
Deep into the ground
Where I lie,
And lay myself down
And I won’t make a sound