For a Friend – Wait For the Sun

You tried, love.
Your teary eyes were buried in my shirt,
My arms could only contain your
Shell of a body, as it emitted wracking sobs, echoes
Of years of trying to love another, whilst loving
Itself with all of its anxious compassion, you
Tried, so hard, my dear. The days
Will likely seem a little darker, for a while, and your tears
May weigh you down, till

One day you will wake up again,
And listen to the birds sing
In your father’s garden, you’ll watch
The hopeful rays of sunlight try to break through
Your curtains, and you’ll smell a fresh cup of coffee,
That your mother brings to your room,
Not because she has to, or you can’t get it yourself, but
Because she knows that this simple pleasure could be enough
To get you out of bed for a whole week,
As it is love itself, in its purest form.

It’s what you deserve, my dear, but know
It’ll take time, and to take small steps, day by day.
Know, that your loved ones, will be there
Every step of the way.

Bishops and Pawns Both Strike on the Diagonal

Frozen pathways, broken bridges, the
Spilling sewers of Rome, the holy excrement rains
From the sky, the smell is putrid
Like a preacher working the corner for days on end,
Working his body, a bible glued to his hand,
There aren’t enough eyes on an angel to truly witness
This state of despair, not enough holy mops
To rid the world of dirty priests, one man once said
“Let the children come to me,” he should have said
“Don’t let the children near a priest,” they should
Call a consistory, make it extraordinary, take it
To the top, to the tip of his white hat—haven’t we learned
That we should stay away from white hats, white masks, white robes, white cloaks, white men that
Disrobed nature and nations, stole from their people, took away their gods
And put them in a museum, hiding behind bulletproof glass, far out of reach
From tax-paying citizens, increasingly depressed denizens, we need more
Destructive dissidents with bottles of gasoline, rags soaked in alcohol,
To light it all aflame, but only at the end of the week, to make it sabbatical.

Blades

tiredness and rain, the feeling of wanting
a breathless escape
from it all and to
watch from a higher place
to the ground below and the wild seas
with waves as high as planes,
green plains of desolation, and grass
that is always greener on the other side
but
what does the colour of the grass matter
maybe i like it damaged and coarse,
and not cutting, separated and divorced

Time slips by

Time slips by in an instant, but I still
Remember the way to your parents’ place, the feeling of
Seeing you pull away, a couple of tears marking your face,
Trailing past pathways, memories, the scars you would rather
Scratch away, but I thought you were beautiful either way.

How could you be so effortlessly attractive to me,
Brushing your teeth, with that little shake
In your hair, whilst your tired eyes looked into mine?

Did you know?
Did you see?

The gears turning in my head, as I tried not to jeopardise what
We had, but I couldn’t lie, not with words, or with
Goodbyes, no,
I tried, but time
Slips by in an instant, and I
Still find reminders of you –
A word, a hair, an inside joke that we wouldn’t dare
Share with the world.

I hope you know or knew that I
Do care, and I did care, though I don’t know
If I will care when time slips away,
And the hair that frames my face is a shade of
Melancholic grey… but for now
Let us mourn the love that we could have had
For every future yesterday.

The Two-Headed Calf and the One-Eyed Raven

You look at the ancient stars, shining brightly in the sky. Green grasses wave at you from afar, and you feel them welcome you to Life, as you take your first steps. A stumble, a fall, but your mother by your side, with her caring eyes, willing you to stand tall. You breathe through two sets of nostrils, you see through two pairs of eyes. You are complete. You have with you all that you ever have, and though you will be gone before your first sunset, this night you will experience all that there is in life. The joy of peace, of calmly sleeping at your mother’s side. The tragedy, which is a privilege for others, to have to wake up and face the day. The wonder of hearing the birds sing as they fly through the trees, searching for insects to feed their young. You are not meant for the skies, but as the birds fly, one song meets your ears. Sung with melancholic sincerity, you see the singing raven perched on one leafless tree, watching you with only one eye.

A child has been born, so full of life,
A head too many, here comes the knife,
A slash, a crack, off goes your head,
A mother, alone again,
When she goes to bed.

She’ll watch the sun rise,
She’ll watch the sun set,
She’ll be alone again,
When she goes to bed.

A moment passes, before you hear your mother sing back to the raven, with a desperate dread.

Don’t take my child, lover of the dead,
Don’t make me say goodbye,
Take me with you instead,
Please don’t let me be alone again,
When I go to bed.

green and unknowing

Do you think I couldn’t see us
In the blues and yellows
Of yesteryear, when
I saw you more often than the clouds in the sky,
And we would greet each other more frequently
Than we would say goodbye?

Alas, one essential colour was missing
To create the colours on the rainbow.
The colours on the spectrum
Lacked life – red
Blood that I remember so vividly:
Draining from your face,
Except for your eyes,
Looking into mine, bloodshot
And heartbroken, God,

I see you now
Left behind
Drowning in the blues and yellows
Clinging onto an idealised memory
Fragmented pieces of me
That drag you down
Deep into the sea
Deep into
The blue and yellow fantasy

im barely here, you’re not here at all

I’m so far gone
But it makes me think of you
Dreams we had
Dreams we never
had
Dreams we should have had
Now
We’re nothing more
Than strangers passing by
On the street, listening
To songs we told each other about
Thinking
About what we could have been
But
Now we are nothing more
Than dust in the wind

Impressions in the sands
Of time
The hourglass
Turns upon itself and
We are where we begun

Being nothing at all

Heaven or Rain

Rain pours down like the fury of an angry God,
As he tries to drown us once more
And breaks rainbows and promises of eternal love.

How could he not
When he sees the joy on our face
Through sin and pain,
As he realises we have no shame.

We are naked and exuberant,
With heads in the clouds –
Joyous reflections in the refractions of sunshine
That shimmer so vividly.

Heaven could not compare
To these moments we share.
You are greater than eternity,
And I’ll take care of you till our hellish end,
My beautiful, rain-stricken friend.

We can dry ourselves by the fires of torment,
Roast marshmallows on pitchforks and torture tools,
And watch the flames of forever
Burn on, and on,
But at least we’ll watch them burn

Together.

Birthmarks and Scars in the Spotlight

Check my birthmarks –
My personal spots and signs,
My life scars, too many to count
But they are mine
Either by birthright, or the attempts on my life.
It feels like I have nine lives,
Four chambers, one bullet
And a cocked hammer –
Pulled back by my stress,
Until I snap, and take that one in four chance
To blast myself in the head.
Although I’m not better off dead.
I’m better off red
In the face, with tears on my cheeks,
Till I’m wet, soaked, covered in sadness,
To the point of breathless madness
But it’s fine, it’s all for the sake of saving him,
That child residing on the inside
Of my heart, working the machine
The way he’s worked his whole damned life,
Putting his own desires aside,
All for the sake of peace and mediation,
Another tough pill to swallow,
But facing the truth is his daily medication

As he carries the same marks,
The same scars, given to him by lovers,
Mothers, brothers, friends and absent fathers,
Who were either there to embrace him,
Burn him at the stake, or neglect him
The way I did when I buried him in the dark
Cold hard ground when I was five.

No, I didn’t want to look at him,
Be him, or free him from his despair,
No, that little boy was going nowhere
If it was up to me, till a point in my life
When I realised that little boy never gave up the fight.

What Will We Tell the Wishing Well

Wash away the wishes in the well,
Ignore what the life lines or stars may tell,
For they are born from ignorance, hopes and dreams
That seek to escape reality, and do not guarantee
What will and will not be.

Although I do know how tempting it may be
To want to see into the days yet to come,
The feelings yet to feel, experiences yet to experience,
The love yet to lose, the love yet to gain,
The pleasures of the future, not to mention
The pain.

Wash it all away.
Leave it
For another day.