Category: Journal

I’m okay with pretending, I’ve always had a love for drama

I’ve still got the scar you gave me last week.
Perhaps it wasn’t our intended intensity
When we broke our friendly sanctity,
But I do look back on it, fondly.

I thought that after we left our marks
On each other’s bodies, and lost our minds
In each other’s glory that I wouldn’t have to worry
Or care about a thing.

Honestly, I wanted to reach out two days later
To you – my new addiction, my hyper focus
For my brain that has longed for a fix
For so long, but I know that love, sex or a kiss
Won’t mend what’s been broken.

It’s now been a couple of days since we’ve last spoken,
And even though my door is wide open
I may not always be home.

With your mark on my shoulder
I wander alone between the trees in the park
And I wonder if you also still carry a piece of me,
Or if I should simply let you be.

I am rather happy, however, to notice
I’m at least at peace, finally.
That doesn’t mean that I want you to leave –
Believe me, I would love to see you again
And pretend for one more night
That it’s just you and me.

Eleven O’Clock

It was on that old second-hand pull-out sofa,
That I found myself.
A glass that was emptied too many times, in my hand
And your head on my shoulder.
Melancholic music softly played in the background,
And was only overshadowed by our eleven o’clock breathing.

It was you, me, and the two perfect sinners:
Living in a heaven where we may still cry.

(PS: No longer adding the date to each poem as it’s unnecessary, and was a left-over habit from when this was a daily poetry journal)

01/06/2021 – Untitled Poem

My doubts could not stay silent,
And neither could I.

I could see the end coming,
And made a feeble attempt to hide;

Now in your mind,
It is I, that you despise.

The blame is not all mine,
As our actions were seen by four eyes.

We clung to each other and tried to tread lightly,
But we hung on too tightly.

Alas, now that we’re awake:
You are you,
And I am me.

16/04/2021 – The Rose and the Moon

How I wish that this rose could have eyes,
So that it could see it the way I see it,
Through mine.

Then there is the moon, all alone on the dark stage,
With its crater riddled face, it’s confidently present:
Shining brightly.

But it is that moon that haunts you still,
An ironic light that spreads darkness;
Time after time.

It’s almost as if I can see it smile, with its big mouth,
Happily showing off what it has stolen,
In silence.

Because of this thief’s reign, the rose cannot bloom,
It knows no noon because of the moon, but hopefully
It will, soon.

17/01/2021 – Blessing

It would be a blessing from the highest god,
To only think about what is for breakfast.

Afterwards, to call you and see what you’re up to;
Maybe you would even like to spend some time together?

Maybe we could have some lunch… something light like a salad.
Or we could have scrambled eggs, lightly salted with a touch of pepper, just for that kick.

Then when you leave, I can think about how to spend my afternoon.
Maybe I’ll read a book, an exciting novel that will make me feel something, anything.

That way, I won’t have to think about your bleeding spouse.
Or how you broke both of my legs, when you left my house.

16/01/2021 – Leaves

I just want to leave;
Disappear like the leaves
In the Fall and just
Give up on it all.
I just want to see the sun shine
In the Spring, and feel fine.
I want to see the flowers grow;
Watch the butterflies put on their show
As they dance in the sky above,
Proudly displaying their love.
I look forward to the Summer,
To walks in the park,
When I can hold you tightly in my arms.

But then Winter comes again,

And the leaves fade away.
But at least you’ll be there by my side,
Day after day.

06/01/2021 – Mountain

A falling star through the midnight sky.
You came so far, and brightened up my life.
I stood here, on this mountain, when I saw you.
I tried to catch you, but realized you are a meteorite.
I failed to escape, and it was too late.
The impact shattered the ground beneath my feet,
And I found myself falling.
I lost my breath, my consciousness tried to hang on…
All these memories so bright, I wanted to close my eyes.
What was it all for, this mountain climb?
When I just have to keep climbing till the end of time…
Who says there won’t just be another meteorite?
A fallen star I may stare at in wonder,
Only for it to crush me.
Alas, now I have reached the ground;
And it is time to continue my eternal climb

11/12/2020 – Real Thoughts

Real Thoughts

Man, you didn’t even cross my mind today…
I’m hella happy we’re going our separate way.
I’m going up, you’re going down,
I’ve got a smile, you’ve got a frown.
Deep down, I catch myself hoping you’ll get help.
That one day, you’ll think of someone else.
But today, it didn’t even matter.
Man, only been a while since my reality shattered.
I’m glad though, I am getting better.

I thought there was so much that I wanted you to know,
But I said all I had to say.
In that final message, I’d like to think I dealt a necessary blow.
Now, I hope you are still mold-able, like clay.
‘cuz shit dude, for other’s sake, please change.
I tried to be real with you,
and did my best to tell you the truth.
But I was too soft, except in that final message to you.
When you were finally faced with the truth…
I hope your eyes were opened.
Hope you know why you left us broken.

Look, I just know life isn’t easy man.
But like, when all this shit began,
I had no idea what you were capable of.
A horrifying attempt at attaining this unattainable love.
I truly hope you’ve learned your lesson,
That love is not some crazy obsession.

Love is kind, love is giving, love is pure.
The love we showed you, was so much more mature.
We reminded you to eat, to sleep, to function.
Tried to take care of you, but man, you’ve got a dysfunction.
I know you know it’s bad to go to sleep when the sun rises.
Tried to tell you so many times man,
Your inability to take care of yourself shouldn’t surprise us.

But man, though I am writing this poem and thinking of you.
I am glad we’re done, and I don’t have to see you.
I used to miss the old you.
I still do.
Man… what happened to you?

04/12/2020 – Chicken Soup

Thank you, chicken, for your sacrifice,

You nice and warm, and taste nice.

First you get turned into soup,

and at the end of your journey through me, into poop.

But oh how your warmth is like a lover’s embrace,

Warming me up on these cold days.

You are so precious to me,

but sadly a good life was not guaranteed;

To you, my dear chicken,

when you bawked your last bok,

were you in pain? were you okay?

I can’t imagine the terrifying last moment,

It’s the last line, a terrible omen:

the sound of the machines and blades swinging.

So close to death you heard the angels singing.

But on cold days when nothing else will do,

I have to give up on my morals, and turn to you.