Category: Humour

The Pain of My Shower Drain

Oh hi there, my shower drain.
I see you wear your hair differently, today.
How it looks so different, after the rain
And all my sweat and dirt and conditioner
And how it’s conditioned you to have hair
In these showery conditions.

I had my suspicions, that something was askew
When from your piped oesophagus, I smelled a certain brew
Made up of what should be in bins,
And all my terrible sins
That washed through you.

Come, I’ll give your hair a rinse,
Although, with a slight wince
At the confrontation of a strange sensation
And being faced with the proof –
An undeniable truth:
That my shower drain used my shampoo.

Sunny Day

The sun’s only out
When you’re around.
I watch it sink into the ground,
With you in my arms
And some of your hair that keeps going into my mouth.

But when you’re here,
There’s not a single cloud in the sky;

Our only company are the sun,
And that shitty little fly.

04/12/2020 – Chicken Soup

Thank you, chicken, for your sacrifice,

You nice and warm, and taste nice.

First you get turned into soup,

and at the end of your journey through me, into poop.

But oh how your warmth is like a lover’s embrace,

Warming me up on these cold days.

You are so precious to me,

but sadly a good life was not guaranteed;

To you, my dear chicken,

when you bawked your last bok,

were you in pain? were you okay?

I can’t imagine the terrifying last moment,

It’s the last line, a terrible omen:

the sound of the machines and blades swinging.

So close to death you heard the angels singing.

But on cold days when nothing else will do,

I have to give up on my morals, and turn to you.

17/02/19 – Waking Up

Consistency is key.

Even on a day when life is tomato soup,

And I am a fork.

On a day when the comforts of an enticing bed are oh-so tempting,

And I am a warm cooked chicken in a wrap.

To throw off those blankets of shelter,

To clear the mind with a splash of cool water.

To live life and not waste away.

To live life,

And live another day.

Time Taken: 5 Minutes

10/01/19 – A Poem in the Bin

A vague allegory,

Like the sun setting over a goose,

Unknown to all but the author.

A metaphor or simile,

For something as easily explained as the origin of the universe.

A poorly thought out rhetoric with an answer,

Which makes it a mere question.

And finally,

The point of realization.

The “piece de resistance”.

A metaphor so intricate even the poet does not know its exact meaning.

And thus,

The conclusion of a poem so great not even the author will remember it.

 

Time Taken: 6 Minutes

Friend’s Blog: spokenincursive.blogspot.com

30/12/18

You were with me,

Through the hardest times.

You could capture the most beautiful sunset in your eye,

And treasure it for all to see.

But now,

You have gotten old,

You have gotten weary.

And as your end draws near,

We both know,

What must be done.

I thankfully say farewell,

And lay you to rest.

No longer,

Than a second later.

I say hello to a better you.

A younger you,

More sophisticated,

A you,

That is simply a better

You.

 

Time Taken: 5 Minutes

Friend’s Blog: spokenincursive.blogspot.com

6/12/18

From his mind onto the paper, the words moved.

Carefully, with conscious decision each placed in its rightful position.

The paper was folded, and attached to the foot of a pigeon.

It flew, out into the sky.

It flew, through the darkness and through the light.

It landed, its journey halfway done.

For a new letter was attached to its foot, the last one removed.

It was released, and it flew.

It flew, back through the sky.

It flew the way it came.

The man sprang up in great anticipation as the bell rang, notifying him of the pigeon’s arrival.

The man cautiously opened the letter, finally a reply.

The letter, from the one he held dear said:

“Seen”

3/12/18

The man’s squat became a stand;

Knees cracked, a wince.

He shakes the dust out of his shoulder;

A pop, a sigh.

Pondering, will the arrow strike true?

Twang, said the bow.

Eyes narrow, a flicker of hope.

A physical conundrum, the arrow turns away.

It flies.

It flies far.

It flies far away.

To the ends of the earth.

The arrow finds a partner for life.

They ride on a horse into the glowing sunset.